Ladies, from the party that brought us legitimate rape, forcible rape, honest rape and easy rape, we have a new rape option, courtesy of "pro-choice woman" Linda McMahon, Connecticut senate candidate. Introducing ... emergency rape:

It was really an issue about a Catholic church being forced to offer those pills if the person came in in an emergency rape. That was my response to it. I absolutely think that we should avail women who come in with rape victims the opportunity to have those morning after pills or the treatment that they should get.

Who knew women were rushing to Catholic Churches for medical attention after being raped? Maybe it's a Connecticut thing, where the next nearest hospital is just a "short ride" away.

You're probably asking yourself how this "emergency rape" works and whether it's as effective at preventing pregnancy as Todd Akin's legitimate rape. Well, sadly, no. Turns out nothing is as effective as legitimate rape, since that's the only kind (that we know of, to date; however, Republicans are constantly discovering new kinds of rape, so fingers crossed!) in which magic lady parts detect rape sperm and "shut that whole thing down."