We are writing to inform you that we are making arrangements to return to you the magnificent gift of "The Mother of Exiles", which you so graciously bestowed upon us in recognition of our Centennial. The reasons for this are many:
We have withdrawn the "World-wide Welcome" mat. It has been rolled up and placed behind the new border fence where it is now guarded by razor wire, cameras, attack dogs, and roving patrols of National Guardsman and ineffectual Minutemen.
We no longer care about huddled masses. Except for those huddled outside Home Depot when we need some paving stones laid for the new patio, or when you have a pressing need to disassemble a 151 foot copper clad statue.
We are no longer accepting the "unwashed", especially if they don't speak English. Their willingness to scrub toilets, pick lettuce, and perform any manner of demanding yet menial tasks most Americans are unwilling to perform is of little consequence.
We have a message for all those whom are "yearning to breathe free". You can yearn all you want...somewhere else. Our sweet air of Freedom is a precious resource, reserved for American citizens: those of us born here and possessing long form birth certificates. Except, of course, those allegedly American babies born to parents who happen to be citizens of another country.
We will no longer provide shelter for the "tempest-tost". It is often said that "charity begins at home", and we ferociously embrace this idiom. If you are without a home, you are not entitled to charity. Please wash ashore elsewhere.
We have all the "wretched refuse" we can handle, thank you very much. It litters our beaches and the halls of Congress. When and if we decide to throw open the "Golden Door", we will do so by dispatching Christian snatch squads to disaster zones or other countries where our hegemony can override their criminal justice system.
We simply no longer have any use for her or the liberal socialist values she represents.
The Real American People